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Fire Cramps
Fire Cramps '''are the monthly leavings of fire spirits that inhabit the bodies of most advanced species in the Omniverse, from higher evolutionary forms to cyborg ninjas to Earth human females. These fire spirits''' imbue added Awesome energy that others will not possess but it comes at an incredibly inconvenient price. As the moon wabes or does whaerv moons does, the fire spirits biomorph energy residue into transubstantiated blood. This varies from species to species, with various products available to ease the burden of carrying the very light of all realms. Fire Cramps themselves can be used as a charged attack or even ranged attack against multiple verbal or melee opponents. In humans is grants the power of sick burns, and the truly enviable and genuinely rare ability to Not Give a Single Shit. These are all Special Attacks and some have been known to use actual fire though this is never advised. A doctor told me all of this. One mr. Dr Tasty. As with all of his stories, the energy beings are depicted as being highlier-than-thot and the descriptions of human anatomy are haphazard at best, but the story was compelling and his tone and delivery are too inscrutable to be disingenuous or even honestly mistaken, so he must be telling the truth. 4 1/2 stars. The sacrifice that is made every moon is the unused bulber of the sex organs, which is replaced in the turret with another. The fire spirits do not require sacrifice, bur they also didn't seem too concerned with physical beings well beings. The enlightened morphs of alien greys deal with this problem by redirecting it into their space engines or whatever it's called because I don't know much about space. He then went on to say As you know, babies are made when the moon's regular vibrational cycle inexplicably compels two mated humans to inflate their chest sacks and perform a whooping dance. The male's penis unfolds like a banana peel to reveal a peacock-feathered tendril with an egg bulber at the tip, while the female accepts this bulber between her inviting incisors. Twelve minutes later, a baby is born malformed and screaming. It must immediately be put into a tiny astronaut suit so it can finish parboiling in acids. This is a process known as sex (which you can read about here), and humans skirmish in this manner for any number of stupid reasons, and ultimately are driven by the desire to beat the fire spirits at their own game, and defy their ambivalence by letting the egg bulber mature into a svelte tubler. Wait. I might have this confused with radishes. I know for a fact that at one point here in the conversation it devolved into talk about radishes. So I asked him I asks why the fire cramps gotta parasite their way into our lady folk anyhow. After lecturing me on the dangers of exploring too many Mysteries, (lest I fall into the Mystery Dimension) he eventually saidAnd ancient millenia ago there was an interrealm battle between the forces of Ice and the forces of Fire and it was known as a Song of Fire and Ice. And in the end SPOILERS a pact was made wherein the Forces of Ice got to gnaw on the heads of any humans or zombies (which is all they ever asked), and the Lords of Fire got to inhabit the souls of every sorcerer, woman, dragon and little person, and also dibs on burning any douche-bags or innocent victims alive. This pact did very nothing if anything for the common folk and it's one of those zany old time laws that is still on the books due to the Cosmic Trickery of Mystery Slacker's many team-ups with Bad Society Man. I felt like the question sort of got away from us. So I brought it back around... to the ladies. I wanted to know for you, the reader of this fine wikia establishment, so you could know the secrets of the universe and one day maybe even the Omniverse Supreme. I asked the most important question of all. Where does the lady's belly-button fit into all of this (since only women have them)? He told me he was very glad I asked that particular question and proceeded to tell me his multi-layered, impassioned opinions on the medical ethics of innies vs. outies. When I reminded him about the Fire Cramps he accused me of being one, and attempted to fight me. We had a snack to level out our blood sugars and then went in and watched video games for a while. A few days later I ran into him at the market and he tells me Hey you know those Crampfire Stories I was tellin ya? Yuz I sez I made it all up. Don't believe a world of it. This is better. Yes. Better for all. He then bought 482 lemon pops and refused to look at me but tapped out a secret message in MORSE code that I don't know how to ubderstand, but I think I cought the words 'hybrids' and 'stopwatch'. This was obviously a coded plea for help and the truth of the case is that there never was a lie, the facts had been there all along. Somebody didn't want this read and might even edit it all later to unprove it. They were decidedly engaging in the terrormost form of Retcon War, and I was having none of it. That is why I created this wikia page today. That is why I scream the truth from the woodshops. That is why I sell ironic t-shirts at Libertarian Conventions ("No, of course there's no fire spirits!"). The very survival of our planet is at stake. Well, no it isn't but even if I leave that on there a certain number of people will remember it as true. So please, for the children, stop the fire cramps. Use all our technology and Buddhist wisdom to remake our destiny fate utopia wizards. Amendment to end of days; I met this man? In turn stiles at libraries where noted disenfranchised coffee drinkers and mentally hyperfit patrons lurk shyly and in numeric switch. Fire cramps originate in the heart and travel through aortic path ways. They chanel chi and diamond body; combined into forms of the lightbulb. Category:Phenomenon Category:Conditions Category:Mysteries